How to Pitch Like a Rock Star THE WORKSHOP & CONTEST

What’s in Mrs.Hale’s Receipt for the Million 1857?

693. Blue Ink– Dissolve s small quantity of indigo in a little oil of vitriol, and add a sufficient quantity of water, in which gum-arabic has been dissolved.

Pitching my Historical Novel

Heather Webb is having a pitch contest. Join me and other writers pitching their novels for a crack at Michelle Brower of Folio Literary Management reading our first 10 pages. Here’s mine.

THE JOSSING AFFAIR /Historical Fiction

2nd Revised 11/6

Secret intelligence agent Tore Haugland poses as a deaf fisherman in a village in German-occupied Norway to run arms and gather information. But he doesn’t expect to fall for Anna Fromme, a lonely German-American widow with secrets of her own, the kind of mistake that could not only cost him his life, but those of the fishermen who have joined him. When his mission and cover is exposed and Tore is tortured and left for dead, he vows to destroy the one who betrayed him—even if it could be the woman he loves.

 

 

1st Revised 11/5

Secret intelligence agent Tore Haugland poses as a deaf fisherman in a village in German-occupied Norway to run arms and gather information. But he doesn’t expect to fall for Anna Fromme, a lonely German-American widow with secrets of her own, the kind of mistake that could not only cost him his life, but those of the fishermen who have joined him. When his mission and cover is exposed and Tore is tortured and left for dead, he vows to destroy the one who betrayed him—even if it is the woman he loves.

#1 Pitch Original Pitch

Secret intelligence agent, Norwegian Tore Haugland, posing as a deaf fisherman, comes to a remote fishing village to run arms and gather intelligence. When he falls in love with a lonely German-American widow accused of betraying her husband, he is torn between duty freeing German occupied Norway and desire. Eventually betrayed, tortured, and left for dead, he must return to destroy the one who fingered him even if it is the woman he loves.

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10 thoughts on “How to Pitch Like a Rock Star THE WORKSHOP & CONTEST

  1. Sounds like an interesting read! I have a few suggestions for streamlining.
    Norwegian secret agent Tore Haugland runs arms and gathers intelligence while posing as a deaf fisherman in remote (Name of Village). Falling in love with a German-American widow accused of betraying her husband) was never part of his plan, and conflicts with his duty to free Norway from German occupation. After being tortured and left for dead he must return to destroy the one who betrayed him-even if it’s the woman he loves.

  2. This sounds like a fascinating story. It might be me and my general fuzziness on history, but I feel like I might be losing a little bit of the info I need right around that middle sentence. There’s a lot packed in there–“falls in love with a lonely German-American widow accused of betraying her husband.” So… we have Germany, Norway, and America. Is the fishing village in Norway? Is the German-American woman a suspected informant he was specifically sent to look for? Or at least someone who he suspects is an informant, and yet he wants her anyway?

    I think I have the general idea of things, but I feel like it could be laid out a little more simply and clearly.

    Love the stuff you’ve got going here so far! 🙂

  3. I keep saying this today, but I’m blown away by all of the fascinating ideas floating around out there! Love this premise.

    A couple of notes on the pitch. Because setting is as essential to the plot as the events themselves, you need to mention it in the first sentence. Mostly, I tightened the language a bit to heighten the tension and give it what I like to call a KAPOW factor. Overall, nice job! Good luck with this. 🙂

    Secret intelligence agent Tore Haugland poses as a fisherman in a village in German-occupied Norway to run arms and gather information. But he doesn’t expect to fall for (woman’s name), a lonely German-American widow accused of betraying her husband, the kind of mistake that may cost him not only his job, but his life. When XXX happens and Tore is tortured and left for dead, he vows to destroy the one who betrayed him—even if it is the woman he loves.

  4. Yes! I really like your revised pitch. Nice work!!! 🙂 I liked Rhiann’s first sentence a lot, too, but I definitely think you have to have the German-occupied part in there. It tells us what era we’re talking about.

  5. Great revision! And gripping- I feel like I don’t ordinarilly gravitate toward historical fiction, but you’ve got me sold! My only hesistancy is knowing from the onset that the woman he loves betrayed him. I almost would rather find that out as I go- the surprise factor! Just something to consider- but all in all- SUPER!

    • Deirdre, I took your suggestion and added it. The hero doesn’t exactly know who betrayed. It was a woman, but during his brutal interrogation they make him believe that it was someone close to him, not the real one.

  6. It was so neat to have the three versions side by side, to see the progression of your revisions. Well done.

    I’m wondering about the deaf part though. Is that detail vital to the story? Is he faking to be able to more easily overhear things or really deaf? It’s gotta be hard to fake being deaf without slipping up. I love that detail, I’m just letting you know it triggered some questions for this reader.

    But sounds like a great read that I would pick up!

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